We are learning to describe in detail.
This means including deeper features such as:
- personal voice
- ideas that are important to the story
- a clear structure
- exciting vocabulary
My Special Person
My mum her real name is Janice she looks like a bright star in the
sky she has long brown hair and blue eyes she wears her hair in a pony tail and she wears a mickey mouse t shirt and pants.
She helps me gain my confidence in my dancing. she takes very good care of me. she hates disobedience. she loves to travel and when ever I ignore her she says that the express will come and pick me up and take me away. She helps me with every thing I do and that’s why my special person is special to me.
4 comments:
Wow that was awesome John but next time spend some time put more
interesting words in it. I liked how you used lots of the personal voice. Kiani -rm14
Wow!You really love your mum. I can defanitly tell!I like how you said what she weared you used surface features as well. Good job.
Olivia
WOW JOHN
Thats Amazing.
I like how you have put in alot of adjectives in your writing and described what your mum wears.
Next time do not use the word 'she' so much in your writing.
Wow John thats awesome I like the way you used personal voice. I like the way you used adjectives in your writing.But next time use more surface features.From Keilani and Charlotte.
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