We are learning to describe in detail.
This means including deeper features such as:
- personal voice
- ideas that are important to the story
- a clear structure
- exciting vocabulary
Please support our learning by providing feedback in the form of compliments and wishes.
This exemplar might be helpful .
This exemplar might be helpful .
My special person is my auntie her name is Sarah but I call her Auntie Sarah. She is warm, engaging, loving, caring and amazing.
Auntie Sarah has amazing greeny bluey glowing eyes and her smile seems as big as 10 tennis balls. She has warm silky skin and silky brown hair. Her voice is calm and encouraging. She smells like a flower that has just bloomed. She adores perky nannas I remember when we ate 20 perky nannas and we kept it a secret because they were meant for after dinner and its still kept a secret and it always will be. She enjoys shopping, sunbathing, relaxing and fun I love her so much and she does to.
I love my Auntie Sarah she is really special to me and I love it when she comes to
4 comments:
Lucy,
I am checking out your descriptive writing from Jersey in the Channel Islands. I think your description of your Auntie Sarah is great. I am building up a picture of her in my head as well as her personality. Maybe you could think about surface features such as commas to separate your ideas.
Well done Lucy, keep working hard.
Mrs Logan
Wow that is amazing.I like your descriptive words but maybe you should use more surface features.From Charlotte.
Cool! I like how you did personal voice. You should say what country she lives in. I think that your auntie must smile alot beacause other wise her smile may not be as big! Keep up the great work! Olivia
Post a Comment