Compliments and Wishes Please
Below is a snippet from our “Special Person” writing.
We are learning to describe in detail aspects of our person.
Please support our learning by providing feedback in the form of two compliments and one wish. This exemplar might be helpful.
My mum Anna has brown wavy hair like a brown bear. Her eyes twinkle like brown stars.
Her hair is past her shoulders but she has dyed her hair red and she has freckles dotted on her face.
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11 comments:
Charlotte,
I love the way you have shared descriptions of your mum and the way you see her. You have created a picture in my head of her. Well done. I hope you can share this with her and chat about your writing in relation to your writing goal.
Keep up the descriptive writing,
Mrs Logan
What great use of similes. I can also tell from the detail just how special your Mum is to you. What others ideas could you share about your special person? Could all ideas of a certain type (what Mum looks like) be grouped into a paragraph?
Can't wait to watch your writing grow.
Wow Charlotte it looks cool.I like how you used full stops and capatil letters Next time tell the person what she wears.
Hi Charlotte awesome work I like the way you used surface features in your writing.I like the way you compared your mums hair to a bear.But I think you should describe what she wears next time. from Keilani and Charlotte.
Wow Charlotte
thats really good. I like the way you used descriptive words about your mum.
Mabye next time you can tell us what your mum likes doing.
Wow charlotte that was a really excellent deception of your mum I loved how you said that her hair was like a brown bear and her eyes were like brown stars in the sky. what did she wear and how old was all her clothes. from Oliver and Dylan
I like the way you've compared her hair and used descriptive writting. Next time maybe tell us what She likes. From brooke
Hi Charlotte - what a lovely surprise! How lucky I am to have such a creative daughter who has brown wavy hair like a brown bear. Hazel eyes that draw me in like a deep pool. Golden freckles that scatter across your nose like stardust. Teachers that are bringing out your creative best! keep up the great work!
cool story i love it.from lucy j
Enjoyed the innovative way that you described your mothers hair!Quite different-liked that.Keep expanding those writing goals.
Mrs Ball.
Wow Charlotte you are a Brilliant writer.But maybe say what she wears and what she likes to wear.
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