Monday, March 28, 2011

My Special Person - Olivia - Draft 1

Compliments and Wishes Please
Below is a snippet from our “Special Person” writing.
We are learning to describe in detail aspects of our person.

Please support our learning by providing feedback in the form of two compliments and one wish. This exemplar might be helpful.

My special person is my mum tinah. She looks like a brown curly short haired, lovely blue eyed, normal nosed person. She has freckles dotted on her face and arms and legs. She ushally wears make up earings and necklaces but not in her sleep. She has short stumpy eyelashes and wrinkles around her eyes and cheecks.

8 comments:

Mrs Logan said...

Olivia,

I love the way you have shared descriptions of your mum and the way you see her. You have created a picture in my head of her. Well done. I hope you can share this with her and chat about your writing in relation to your writing goal.

Keep up the thoughtful ideas you put into your writing,

Mrs Logan

Anonymous said...

Great detail and voice - I can hear from the warmth in your writing just how special this person is. Please check surface features like spelling and punctuation - tinah, ushally,earings, cheecks.
Can't wait to see the second draft.
Mrs Jensen

Anonymous said...

This is Maringi here I love! your description about your mum its amazing maybe next time you tell us what you wear

Anonymous said...

What a privilege to be your special person Olivia!:) It's a lovely detailed description which helps create a picture in people's minds. Just watch for spelling errors in your next draft.
Love Mum

Anonymous said...

Olivia, Such a neat way to describe your Mum.Beautiful detail and check for spelling in the next draft.Well done. Mrs Ball

Anonymous said...

Olivia, Such a neat way to describe your Mum.Beautiful detail and check for spelling in the next draft.Well done. Mrs Ball

Anonymous said...

Such a great description Olivia Well done.

Grandad

Anonymous said...

Oh my! I can't believe I wrote that when I was that age!
Olivia, from HK

 
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